Crippling: Only Takes One

One thought. My heart speeds up. I hug my teddy bear and a smile crosses my face. I smell the top of the bear's head. Memories and scenarios rush to my mind. The memories do not belong to you but the scenarios do. I love them, and I cannot erase them from my mind. My heart races at even the slightest thought of you. How is it that a friendship could turn into such a beautiful, passionate, and soft love? How is it that I would do anything to see you, hear you, touch you? How is it that I long to see your smile and your beautiful face more than anything? How is it that I long to hear you talk, hear you laugh, hear you walk down the hall or across the room? How is it that I long to hug you and feel the vibrations of your body as you talk and laugh? How is it that I went from the depressed, lonely, and slightly suicidal/self-harm child to the depressed, loving, and happier self-harm child because of you? How did you raise me so far from the ground? Why have you chosen me to heal? How did you succeed so fully and perfectly? You introduced me to so much and gave me so much. It's hard to rise up to that and help you as much in return. I know you don't realize just how much you have helped me and you never will but it's okay. I will strive to help you as much as you have me. I think of words to speak as my heart races with the thoughts of you. Teddy bear safe in my arms where you should be. 

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School starts up again in about two days for me and I feel sick from stress and sadness and depression and being overwhelmed. I'm not ready to go back. I just healed myself (with the obvious help of Presh and another friend we will name Hex and another friend I call Princess). Now that I mention it, I will explain a little about these latest friends. More about Hex will come later in another blog because there is so so much I need to talk about when coming to him. But Princess I can basically sum up in this little area. 

So Hex. He is... different. A good different. He gave me a new perspective on things before he.. um.. Nevermind. That will come with the next blog I give. It will be mainly about him. Seeing as I am tearing myself up on the inside over it. But anyway. He gave me a new perspective on some things and helped my stress go away. He talked to me all the time and told me things and I trusted him. I could tell him things and I even sent him one of my most treasured documents because I thought it would help him understand what it is that I do. I know it was probably foolish, but now he has something of mine. I know that eventually I will stop feeling pain over Hex, but for now, I have to shield myself from anything of his or I begin uncontrollably crying. It is taking everything in me now to not cry onto my keyboard. 

Anyway... Princess. I met her the same place I met Presh. She is an angel and as sweet to me as Presh. She has the same kind of insecurities and joys as I do. We both know Presh and both have similar connections to her. In a way. But anyway. I met Princess a little less than a month ago, same as Hex. But I haven't talked to Princess as much. We help each other out sometimes and comfort each other online. It's really nice to know that she's there. Gives me some sense of security, to a certain point. 

Presh, Princess, and Hex have made my summer better. One other person that I will say I know irl that made my summer better: Korea. Her name isn't actually Korea, but to me, it is. I've called her Korea for so long that it's basically her actual name to me. Korea has been there for me irl and online for over a year now and it means a lot to me. She has helped me a lot and for that, I must say I owe her my life. So anyway. On to the quote. 

QUOTE:

"A FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO CAN SEE THE TRUTH AND PAIN IN YOU EVEN WHEN YOU ARE FOOLING EVERYONE ELSE."

Until next time, 

A.K. 

Hurt: My Heart Aches

Why do hearts ache when we feel emotionally hurt? Why do knots form and everything feels... different? Why is love the root of it all? How does heartache work? I've had plenty, and I still can't figure it out. Life is so full of hurt. How is it that the physical is often much less painful than the mental? Why do I lay in bed or on the floor with my music blasting through my headphones just to block out some things? Why does it work and I become peaceful with the flow of music until it stops? Why must we hide from the world to feel good in our hearts? The scars are too much. The blood seeping from the new battle wounds into my lungs. Making breathing all too hard until impossible all together. Why must love come from the most inconvenient and unconventional places? It's almost as though fate intends to screw with our minds and hearts. It's as though, from the moment we begin to talk to the moment our words seize, fate is laughing with cruelty at the love to come for us. Love is seen as the villain for fate. The villain and the saving grace for all of us. The thing that must help us survive and the thing that will ultimately kill us all without mercy. And we hold on until the bitter end because we can't do any better. We are trapped here in love by our own hearts. 

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Falling prey to love... There are no words. I have none. They have been stolen from me... 

QUOTE:

"LOVE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING TO HAVE, HARDEST THING TO EARN, AND MOST PAINFUL THING TO LOSE."

Until next time,

A.K.

Who You: Kill Me

Kill me. Shoot me. The bullet would taste better than the absence of you. Kill me. Please. I'm begging you. Drag a Katana blade across my stomach like the Japanese warriors do. I'd like to feel imagination for the last time before I die like my soul. Kill me. Hang me. The rope would feel better choking me than the tears did. Kill me. Snap me. The sounds of my bones cracking before paralyzing me and bringing forth darkness would sound better than any words you could say. The sound would be sickening but so is the thought of you. Kill me. Shoot me. I would watch in slow motion as the bullet traveled to me. The distance would feel as far as we once were. Before the planes. Before the hugs and words. The memories I once fascinated over. The ones that now damage me and drive me mad. Kill me. Slay me. Use the weight of your body to drive in the sword. I will even help out if you want. I will grab the hilt and push the tip swiftly into my torso. Kill me. Hang me. The rope burn will feel better than the wringing of my hands as I waited for your response on my phone. It will feel better, safer, firmer around my neck than I have ever felt in my life. Kill me. Snap me. My mind is screaming. Pull me out. I need you. and I cannot take this blade away from my skin. Blood has yet to spill. So do it. Kill me. Snap me out of it. Save me and draw me into your arms. 

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It is no lie that I have been wanted to run away for some time now. It is no lie that I have been having bad thoughts and wishes now and again. It is no lie that I long for things I can never have. But it would be a lie to say that I have never loved these feelings. I love them as often as I hate them. It sort of makes me who I am. Nothing cliche or anything... But truly. I am who I am because of the shitty stuff I do. Because of the imperfect, screwed up, scary, crazy, and creative things I do. I do everything because of my thoughts and wishes and I don't think anyone should judge me for that. I am nevertheless but I shouldn't be. I'm human just like everyone else. I do dumb things and I do things that some people can't even dream of. But that's just who I am. Everyone has a choice. Sometimes they bring us to our knees. Sometimes it brings us to a pedestal. To be honest, I'd rather be standing on my feet in the crowd. Just trying to get by. Society has a tough time remembering that we are all the same species. We are all human. We are all individual minds. We can do whatever the fuck we want. Who gives a crap if we do something the world doesn't approve of? Who cares if you want something or enjoy something that no one else seems to like? It makes you happy doesn't it? So keep on keeping on. You do you. Be happy. Make your own damn choices dear. Don't you dare let society choose for you. Because news flash: SOCIETY MAKES SHIT DECISIONS AND SHOULD IN NO WAY BE IN CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE. 

QUOTE:

"IT IS A RISK TO LOVE. WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT? AH, BUT WHAT IF IT DOES?"

Until next time,
A.K. 

Ledge: Love is...

Love is... Well it's hard to explain really. It comes in different forms and is brought on by different experiences. Different feelings and different words. Faces and names and moments cross minds when love is mentioned. There should never be shame with this word. No one should ever have shame attached to love. Ever. Love hurts but is it really the love that hurts so bad? Love feels... Beautiful... It feels... Imperfect and perfect simultaneously. The imperfections of it all make it so seamlessly perfect. With every puzzle piece, every memory, every experience comes a new thing to love. Falling is such a horrid term for love, they say. But is it really? Isn't it perfect? You start out on the edge of a cliff. Looking at the ocean below, but it's only a glance compared to the stares you give the colors in the sky. All anyone has to do is push you. Even just a little. Some may stand closer or further away from the ledge, depending on past experiences. But the push will be there all the same. And all of a sudden, you're racing through air towards the ocean below. It feels terrifying and exhilarating. You want it to end, but you never want the feelings to go away. The wind feels nice. But before you even know it, you are completely embraced by the sea. Swallowed by the depths of the water. Now isn't that exactly what love does? It's the impact of the fall that hurts the most, but only at the moment. It's when you have to drag yourself away from the ocean and climb back up to the cliff or go home that causes the most injury. You will always have those memories. Every single one. So what will you do with them? How will love affect you? Will you want to fall again? Or will you be the one that pushes someone else before jumping in after them? 

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Love. The impossible riddle. The beautiful mystery. The painful addiction. I don't believe we ever get over our loves, but who knows. Maybe I've just been unlucky so far. So anyway. Make sure you're taking care of yourself. Drink water and eat food. Be nice to yourself. Treat yourself. You deserve it. I love you all. 

QUOTE:

"JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE DOESN'T LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO, DOESN'T MEAN THEY DON'T LOVE YOU WITH EVERYTHING THEY HAVE."

Until next time,

A.K.  

Love Letter: For Her

I know you will never see this, and I know I can never tell you this even exists. This letter will hardly cross the eyes of anyone of concern, nor will these words ever reach your eyes. However, I write them for you. I see you in everything now. Every action. Every thought. Everything. You are always there. I know I will always have you now, even if we stop talking every day and night. I know what we have is difficult to describe for me, even if it is not for you. I know I am just a good friend to you. A Maknae. Your little China. Maybe I remind you of a sister you never had. But to me, you are the love I could never give myself. You taught me to see the simple joys in things again. You taught me, with difficulty, to love myself. To treat myself as a best friend. I am still learning from you, and I believe I always will be. You are wise and childish and loving and caring and kind and funny and human and something different all together. You, my sweet Presh, will always be the love that was meant to be and the love that never could be. You will forever be my memory and my best friend. You will always be there, and I hope that you know it is the same for me. I will always rush to your aid. Even though you live across the globe from me, I will always be there. I love you, my sweet Presh. And I always will. 

Yours Truly, 

Little China

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Clearly, this was difficult for me to write here. Or maybe not so clearly. I am still trying to debate myself out of this. I am not gay or anything. But this is how I feel. I am shaking for fear that someone might see this and confront me somehow. I am afraid that someone will get the wrong impression of me or of what I believe. I would hate that. And as any blogger, I am terrified that someone important to me will see this, including my sweet Presh. I don't know why I am so afraid because there must be no way that she would find this page. It's too small. Too insignificant. But she did find another thing of mine like this. It's how we met. But maybe I'll get lucky and she'll never find it. Or maybe I'm being too pessimistic about this. Maybe she'll find it and it'll be a good thing. But I can't see how. We are both like rulers in our interests and in any case, it will probably only cause pain. We live on complete opposite sides of the globe and even then, it would probably make things awkward. I don't want that. I could probably talk to her forever and talk about her the rest of the time. But I don't want to do that because I would freak people out and I would lose friends, even with the few I have, and I just don't need that at this point. But anyway, this little extra part of the entry is probably depressing the letter and it's just postponing the actual posting part of this process. So let me find a quote and get on this... 

QUOTE:

"SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BE APART FROM PEOPLE YOU LOVE. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU LOVE THEM ANY LESS. SOMETIMES, IT EVEN MAKES YOU LOVE THEM MORE."

Until next time, 

A.K. 

Importance: What is it?

What is importance and who decides who or what fit that definition? Is there a scale for this sort of thing, or do we just know when something is more important than something else? Recently faced with this issue and confusion is not light. Thoughts have become riddled by the questions of importance. How can you decide if anime, that could very well save your life, is more or less important than the school work that will create your life in the future? How can you decide if KPOP, that makes you happier by a large margin and keeps you safe from harm, is more important than a "priority" that is a possible necessity in life? How can you choose? Why are we forced to create these decisions each day? Why do we choose them on impulse? Why are we ridiculed for our choices? Who decides that is right and wrong? Who was given that power, and why the hell were we not consulted? When did Atlas tilt the world and create so many crooked thinkers? And why were these people given the most authority over the rest of us? If this is the way life works, why can't the sane ones retract their contract peacefully? Because if this is the way life rolls, I would like to get off at the next train stop.

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I've been talking with Presh a lot lately, and so thoughts of importance haven't been as prominent as when I wrote this. However, other thoughts have been. They haven't been great thoughts mostly, but it's not because of Presh. I have actually been happier most often because of her. It's nice. To have something to think about when I have nothing to do. To have someone to go back to when I feel just terrible. Someone I can talk to. I appreciate her for being there and for helping me wholeheartedly when I need it. She's sweet and so so caring towards me and others. I like helping her when she needs it because she's so caring and so compassionate towards everyone. 

So I hope everyone can find someone like her. At least once in their lives. I also hope everyone is taking care of themselves. Drinking plenty of water and eating properly and sleeping well. If not, just try. You are important. :]

QUOTE:

"IF YOU'RE IMPORTANT THEY'LL MAKE A WAY. IF YOUR NOT THEY'LL MAKE AN EXCUSE."

Until next time,

A.K.  

Connected: Feeling of Universe

It's now been about two weeks again since I posted and I honestly have no excuse. I do have two entries lined up because I've been thinking a lot in the past weeks. Things have been stressful and I just haven't been being my normal self lately. I've been a lot happier because of Presh and the kpop I've gotten into, but it's still been very stressful for me in the past couple weeks. 

So, seeing that I might not post regularly, I might start just posting when I feel like it. When I get inspiration or when something happens. Or maybe even just when it feels right. I might not post two days in a row, but it is always possible. 

So with that, let me get started with the first blog of this session. Listening to Roya by Fariborz Lachini and Finn McCool by Michele McLaughlin also helps to put me in the blog mood (I'm listening to them now and I am honestly so freaking calm).

Anyway. Let's begin with something I wrote recently for my blog. I was feeling very connected to the world and time and air at that point. So I guess this sort of just came from that feeling. A feeling of universe I guess I would call it. Yea. That's definitely what I would call it. 

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It's nice to just sit and listen, isn't it? To sit and watch the world. To sit and take in whatever music is blasting through your headphones. For all you know, the volume of that music could make you deaf. But what do you care? The rest of the world doesn't matter in that moment. So why would you think about listening to them? For all you care, you could live the rest of your life in that moment. Just sitting with the deafening music, may it be KPOP or screamo or classic or alternative. All that matters is that moment. No one is bothering you. No one is trying to talk to you. No one is trying to interrupt your peace. No one is trying to reach you. The only person you need to focus on is yourself and the person singing to you. Whether it be through the melody or the words. That artist is singing to you. And you only. So who cares if you go deaf? Who cares what's going on in the world? You have this moment. And you would live your life for it if you could. It must be nice to live in those moments so will you seize those moments? I do. 

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QUOTE:

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science."

Until next time, 

A.K.  

Presh: Friendships & Loves

Woo. Alright. I had to be reminded again to type up this blog, but here I am! I've managed to get somewhat on time to post. I need to paint my nails cause they look like crap, but I have time. I can finish this first. 

So not much happened this week. I went to the movies with some friends. The day we were at the movies, it was storming like CRAZY. One of my best friends slipped and fell in the water that was sort of puddling on the floor. The other days of the week I was at dance. Friday, however, I did nothing but stay in bed all day and watch Netflix. I did the same on Saturday as I did Friday. Not much has been going on since summer started, and I am completely okay with that. 

I am however, struggling to finish my first summer reading book for school. It's absolute hell because the book is so boring. I have another one to read as well, so I am really trying to hurry up on finishing the first but it's too boring I can only read so much in one sitting before I zone out. Thankfully I only have about one chapter left. Or a chapter and a half. I don't know. Haven't checked. The second book is rather larger, but I'm hoping it'll be more interesting.

Right now I am listening to Lean On by Major Lazer and I haven't been this calm all week. Seriously. It's been a hectic, terrible week, and this was really needed. Just some time to stop and relax. 

Also, me and my absolute best friend in the world decided that we were going to go to Comic Con dressed as Dan and Phil. We are working on finding the onesies they wear and I have already found Dan's eclipse shirt. I need to find Phil's purple monster shirt, and both of their hats (the lion and llama). I am Dan and she is Phil (according to our characteristics not favorites btw). It's been really fun. I'm just waiting for something to go wrong, though. I really hope nothing does go wrong. I need this relationship. It means the world to me. 

Speaking of relationships, though, I have also recently made friends with a person living in India. She visits Sri Lanka a lot as well because technically she's Sri Lankan. But anyway. Her name is Presh (real name this time). It's longer but she told me to call her Presh, so therefore... She is the most adorable child I have ever had the pleasure to meet. I love her so much and we've only been talking for a month or so. She has improved my life a bit, to be honest. 

So anyway. That was a basic outline of my week. Hope everyone is happy and well. Make sure to eat and drink water cause that's always good. I love all of you guys. 

QUOTE:

PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY "WHY REGRET SOMETHING YOU ONCE WANTED?" BUT IF I HAD KNOWN WHAT I KNOW NOW, I NEVER WOULD HAVE WANTED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Until next time,

A.K. 

Apology: Home Again

Okay so I haven't posted in about two weeks now. I feel really bad about that. It was totally unintentional and stuff. The first week I forgot because I had to pack for camp and this week I couldn't because I wasn't home and couldn't. I got back from camp late last night and I just remembered this blog. Oops...

Again sorry, but not much has been going on. So not much has been missed. I have gotten a couple of my friends obsessed with KPOP as well. Not as much as me, but hey. It's a start. This past week at camp was awesome. I got to watch two of my friends get saved by Christ and baptized in the ocean. It was a special moment that I will remember for a long time. I'm really glad I got to go on this trip. It meant a lot to me and allowed me to talk to actual people about my serious problems. I had the opportunity to refresh myself and my depression got a smidge lessened because I was with friends that mean the world to me and I was with the Holy Spirit. Not many people like me blog about these things, but I feel the need to say something about it. Maybe I can start from the beginning. A different version of my life story. Something I've never really told anyone. My testimony basically. 

So when I was really little, probably about third grade, I started going to these week long church camps. I had always been raised in church but I didn't really pay all that much attention to the actual story coming from it. I knew all the stories I had been taught by heart, but it was more of a history lesson than a real life situation. I didn't connect with any of it. I didn't feel compelled by whatever they were talking about. Now I'm not going to say that I am the best christian. I'm not going to say that I feel Jesus's presence all the time. I'm not going to say that I obey Him completely all the time. Because I don't. But I am going to say that He has saved my life and I couldn't be more blessed. I realize that. But sometimes it just doesn't affect me like it should. Anyway. So one year at this camp they showed a video of Jesus being tortured and nailed to the cross. I was horrified but I couldn't tear my eyes away. Tears were coming to my eyes, but not even the blur could distract from what I was seeing. My brother was there at the camp with me. Older, of course, but still there. I remember everything about that scene. I can never erase it from my memory. It was very very dark in that room. Everyone else was getting up and walking out of the room but I couldn't move. I was crying my eyes out. Something about that video had made everything I learned hit me like a thousand bullets. I couldn't breathe properly. I was scared and horrified and something in me questioned everything that had ever happened in my life. People would stop and look at the little kid of about 6-7 years old, but they wouldn't stop for long. My counselor stayed with me, but she couldn't get me to speak a word and she couldn't get me to stop crying. She noticed my brother standing a little ways off. Watching. Almost afraid to come closer while the counselor was there, but she called him over. He came over and comforted me and questioned me. From that point on, I understood what Jesus had done for me. I got baptized and saved a couple years later when I felt I was ready. My story isn't very special to talk about, but it's the most sacred story I own. No one else has this story and I appreciate that. Everyone has their own story. This is mine. Don't feel like talking much after that so here's another part of the story.

Kimmy's Pearls

The Encounter (Pt. II)

"Okay. He's gone. Now tell me. It is not like I'm going to run off and tell my father, and my mum would never believe a sailor story if her life depended on it. Plus, my mum would probably scold me for even coming down to the pier with Beau. She hates all you sailors and says "A pretty little girl like you would be kidnapped and sold for ransom."" the girl said. Her face was scrunched up; her nose crinkled, showing her distaste for her mother's attitude towards sailors. 

"Do you not agree with her? Ya seem to fit in with those other aristocrats that despise us." Starr said. He was confused with the way she was behaving. She was proper like the Aries, but acted different. 

"No. Of course not. I hate the way she treats the sailors like sea hounds, which is what she calls you, and I would never fit in with the other aristocrats. I am as proper as my mum and father want me to be, but it's all an act. When I'm not around Beau or my parents, I don't act like they want me to. They're lucky I left the house in this dress this morning. They were still complaining when I left the house without a corset, though. I'm not meant for those. They kill me. I'm a rebel to my parents, but extremely.. um.. how do you put it.. Aries to the sailor and middle class of England." she said. Starr couldn't fathom why she would have such an attitude to her high-class parents and rich lifestyle. Her life was flawless and easy.

"I don't care who ya are. Imma tell ya the rumors and tales anyway. It ain't like there's anything to keep me from tellin ya." Starr said. 

"Wait. Before you tell me anything about this captain, I want to know your name. Mine is Robin. I need to know what I am to call you if I am to talk with you. Plus, who knows? We might end up in each other's company one day." Robin said. 

"Starr. The crew calls me Starr. I ain't bound to tell ya my real name til ya know me. So don't be lookin for explanations darlin." Starr said. He was surprised that a girl like her was still on the port with him. Why was she even here to begin with? Didn't she had some fancy ball or girl things to attend to? Where was she supposed to be this very moment instead of with a sailor like Starr?

"I like that name. I don't know if I really care to know the full name. It can't be as interesting and sailorish as Starr.." she began, but caught herself. "Not that I won't like your real name, but I love the name Starr." She smiled sheepishly. A blush on her cheeks brought out the sea blue in her eyes. Her eyes were beautiful. They were a dark sky blue with an elegant sea green. Starr couldn't believe such a girl like this could have such vibrant colors in her eyes instead of faded colors like the rest of the Aries. No. This girl has vibrant eyes like the sailors and tannish skin from sunlight whenever she could catch it. She has dark brown hair like a black swan, but a little lighter from the sun, to compliment her eyes. Starr couldn't seem to get over the trance of her beauty. He was astonished at himself for allowing any kind of emotion to come from this girl, but what young sailor wouldn't notice this Aries? All of the crew would notice even if they only had a slight glimpse of her. Starr knew that she had to have come out to the dock many times in order to catch the sun in a way she had instead of staying sheet white, but he had never seen her before. Maybe she had just been an invisible Aries to him before and he never noticed her sailor-like beauty. No wonder her parents thought she was a rebel. She was completely the opposite of a typical Aries...

"Umm.. Starr? Are you okay? You're kind of zoned out." Robin laughed. "Are you surprised that I do not look like a normal aristocrat or something?" Starr nodded his head. 

"I never would have imagined that such a girl could have so many sailorish qualities. You have the most vibrant eyes of any Aries I have ever met, girl." Starr said. 

"Thanks Starr. I prefer to be different. Now tell me. I must know. The curiosity is eating me away." Robin said. Starr looked at Robin quietly. He needed to know if he could trust her enough to bring her aboard with him. 

"I cannot tell you out in the open like this. Not on the port. If I were to be caught on the ports with an Aries girl, the cap'n would have my hide mounted on his wall." Starr said with a hint of skittishness. 

"Why are you telling me if you are to get in trouble?"

"I'm tellin ya because you wanted ta know, didn't ya? Or am I mistaken? The cap'n might not even care what I say if he sees your raven hair and your dark skin with the bright sea eyes to match." Starr said. Robin blushed when she registered that he had just complimented her. Starr turned around and walked onto the ship. Robin followed, of course, and waited patiently for Starr to tell. He walked to the steps leading to the wheel and sat down. After Starr told her, she was hardly impressed. They were tales of magic and defying age. Keeping hold hostages and killing them to the utmost pain when they weren't needed anymore to his advantage and amusement. Nothing she hadn't heard before from her fairy tales. However, Robin tensed when she heard footsteps on the deck. 

"Well well Starr. What have you brung aboard this ship now? Some other maid. Better dressed than the rest I must say." Robin turned to find herself face to face with the captain of the ship. His eyes betrayed him and showed his surprise of the girl on such a ship. The captain was much different than Robin imagined. Robin imagined him to be gruff and ugly with no sense of fashion whatsoever like the rest of the sailors. The man standing in Robin's face now looked nothing of the sort. This man was rugged and handsome. He had electric blue eyes that could have become electric from eels in the depths of the ocean he sails. His hair was dark as night itself with an electric blue streak in his gelled up fringe. He looked about 19, while she was 16. His clothes were captain worthy; dirty enough to know he worked on a ship with men throughout his days, but clean enough to know that he cared for cleanliness. His shirt was white with a V neck, and strings hung loose across the V opening on his chest. His black pants were loose enough to show his relaxed character, but tight enough so they wouldn't fall off without a belt. He wore brown pirate boots with cuffs at the top that looked well worn and comfortable. 

"So missy. You never quite answered my question. True, it was directed at Starr, but I would have expected a girl like you to speak up without being spoken to." He spoke with a manor that wasn't what she was used to from the other sailors. Where did he come from?

"I should ask who you are. You have no right to be asking who I am. I am who I am and that is enough, should I remind Starr of that once more, my blood might boil and very much kill me on the spot."

"Fine threat you got there missy," the man said. Leaning so where he could see Starr behind Robin, he spoke, "You mustn't make her repeat herself. It would be a shame to lose something so beautiful, now wouldn't it?" Starr bowed his head like a puppy caught digging in the vegetable gardens of maids. 

"Yes cap'n. Quite." Robin looked at the man with her raven eyebrows raised. 

"Captain? You seem hardly old enough to be captain of such a ship. Starr is older than you! How is it possible that you are captain of The Ravisseur?" Robin questioned. 

"I am 19. That is how old my father was when he became captain of this ship. I became captain two years ago when he passed away into the depths of the ocean. I don't believe we have been properly introduced, yet. May we start off again?"

"Indeed. Should I trust you with information such as this, captain?"

"Why of course, my lady. Why ever so not? It's not as though I wouldn't harbor fugitives, and anyway, none of my other crew and shipmates are half as beautiful as you are darling," the man said with a smirk.

"You might soon learn why. What might your name be? Let's start with you," Robin answered. 

"Captain Rix Black. And what is your name my beauty?"

"Robin. Robin Stryker." Rix stared at her. Though Starr seemed unsurprised, indeed he was. He knew she was an Aries, but not a Stryker. The Strykers were one of the highest class families in this city, and were known for their fancy parties and expensive, up-to-date fashions. 

"Miss Stryker," Rix said, suddenly more serious than she had ever seen him. "What caused you to come aboard The Rabisseur?" Robin looked at him in the face, and without emotion responded, "I defy my mother, though you might not believe that. I am unsatisfied with my life as a, quote unquote, "Aries." I wish to be a free person and not a girl trapped inside a pristine home filled with corsets and fancy balls, Rix." Robin responded. 

"I see. Well. I must go by your word. Maybe you can join me and the crew tonight for dinner? If you are so rebellious against your mother and father, this will prove it. Somehow, with your charm and wit, you must join us here tonight. I will provide the good and anything else necessary. Just make it here, and anything you wish to find on The Ravisseur is yours to find," Rix said. Rix was doing it again... How would Starr warn Robin without the captain noticing? Surely he wouldn't take his eyes off the girl, and it Starr even laid a finger on her, he would suspect something. The poor girl.. But she did indeed do this to herself... How am I to help her now? I have already told her the stories of Rix. That is all the help you must give her, Starr. He thought to himself. She would be fine. Wouldn't she? 

Until next time,

A.K. 

First week: First part story

Alright! Yay. On task. Right now, I am just sort of surfing around on the internet and I remembered the blog. So yea. Accomplishment. 

I got home about an hour or so ago. Maybe two and a half. No clue. Don't remember. But I am singing along to my music and I was about to download some more music. Nothing very interesting has happened today. I do know, however, that I am going to a beach camp for a week in about a week. Ha. Funny how that works out. I don't know. I have a weird humor. Anyway... Starting on how this week has gone (the bits that I remember). 

So recently, I've gotten really obsessed with KPOP, specifically EXO and Shinee. I really really like it. It's cool. I know that most people would think it's weird or it's just stupid to like that kind of music, but you know what? Screw those people. To the ones that are reading this and judging me for my music choice: piss off. As I told one of my friends: It's not like I'm saying I enjoy communism and would rather the japanese and korean people take over. No. I'm saying I enjoy what they produce. I like anime. So what? I like KPOP. So what? You like rap and I hate that music but I don't judge you because of it. I just don't like the music. I don't like how it sounds. That doesn't give me the right to judge you because of your choice and taste in music. That's just bullshit and I need people to stop this hatred towards my choice. It's dumb. I literally can only tell three people about this choice in discovering new things about different cultures and places. It's not like I decided: hey I feel like pissing off half of the population, so let me watch anime and listen to kpop. I feel like screwing with everyone and so I think I'm going to pronounce myself a terrorist. NO. THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING HERE. I'M SAYING I ENJOY A GENRE OF SHOW AND MUSIC. I'M SAYING THAT I'M TRYING NEW THINGS. SO JUST PISS OFF. 

Well... Now that I have THAT off my chest, on to the rest of the past week. I watched Hansel & Gretel on Netflix a couple times. I really love it. It's a really good movie and I recommend it for everyone. Seriously. Unless you're a small child, and then no. I also worked at this kid camp all this week (except Tuesday and Thursday, but that's another story that will come later on). It's called Camp Invention and it's for kids K through 5th. There was one little Asian boy in one of the groups I was working with and he was the cutest thing!!! His name is Tanner, and I honestly think I could have taken him home with me. He was so quite and willing to work. He got everything done and he enjoyed himself. He was really shy, but he was really cute and really tiny. I guess he went up to about my hip. I am 5'1". So he was really small. I absolutely ADORE Tanner. Seriously. It's almost a bad thing. Hahaha. But I'm not the only one that was kind of love-struck, in a way, by Tanner. My other coworkers really loved Tanner and so did my mom (I sent her a picture of Tanner that I took with my phone). Adorable little child. I seriously wish he was my neighbour or something. He's just too cute. Anyway. Moving on because I'm sure I sound like a creeper... As I was saying with the Tuesday and Thursday thing... I have dance classes from 2 pm to 8:30 pm. It's really exhausting but fun to a certain extent. I think I'm also going to start taking another dance class for about an hour on Mondays, but I'm not sure. So that's why I missed camp those two days. 

So besides the camp and dance, this was a relatively uneventful week. I watched Netflix and downloaded music. I read a little, but I really wanted to just chill before I started any kind of summer reading (two boring books). They're never fictional anymore and that honestly kills me. I can hardly read the memoirs and nonfiction books that they make us read. They are horrendous. Like dude! If you're going to force us to read a book over the summer and actually remember what happened enough to take a test and do a project on it, it better be a pretty damn good book! (Excuse my french but I am passionate about this). 

Oh and I think that maybe starting this week, I will type up some excerpts from the same story in order. Maybe it'll motivate some people to read it? I don't know. No clue. So here we go. This story isn't yet finished, and that could come back to bite me in the butt. However, I'm going to type it here anyway. 

KIMMY'S PEARLS

A boat and the sea is all that a sailor needs. A pirate though... A pirate is a different story. A pirate needs a ship, the sea, a crew of outlaws like them, and a girl to admire along the way. Someone to impress. That is what a pirate needs. And God forbid you forget the rum...

THE ENCOUNTER (PT. I)

"The captain of this here ship is rumored to be a pirate. Bloody lies if I do say so meself. I have my bets on the lies though. No one hardly ever goes onto the ship for fear that their captain will be absolutely mad. They refuse to believe that a pirate can be a morally correct person. Pirates are ordinary sailors, but work with the sea and not against it. The plunder they take is only a treasure they receive for bein the pirates they are." The sailor explained. The crew called the sailor Starr. He loved the sea, but was terrified of it. He adored the ports and watching the water more than he loved being in it. He couldn't get out of his job, though, because of the captain. The captain was a work of beauty. 

"What kind of rumors are spread about this.. captain?" the girl in front of Starr asked. The girl was about 15 or 16. Starr was curious about the interest from the girl. She seemed almost eager to get on the ship herself. Starr looked from her to the little boy, about 9, next to her. He was holding onto her fingers like they were the only thing he had left in the world. 

"I can tell ya, sweetheart, but the boy has to go. He won't want to be left alone if he hears such tales of Captain Rix." The girl looked at the little boy in sympathy. Why sympathy? Does she really love the sea and such stories so much that she wishes the boy the same passion? Or does she have pain in her eyes from knowing this boy could be damaged for life? Does she wish to be a sailor like him? Whatever it passed over her face as quickly as a seagull snatching food from beach picnics. 

"Beau, you have to go home ok? Sister has to talk to this nice sailor. Can you get home well enough? I do not want Mummy and Father getting angry because you tracked dust onto the carpet. You know how Maid Nikki gets when she had to clean such things. Remember when you left your turtle on the desk and she had to clean off the dirt? Remember how mad Nikki became? I do not want to come home and find that you are in trouble again. Father mustn't become mad again." The girl said to the boy, Beau. Beau nodded. He looked ashamed of the memory and blushed, averting his eyes to his shuffling feet.

"Good boy. Now run along home, Beau." she said. 

The girl watched Beau Carefully and as still as an eagle. She stood up from a crouch when she could no longer see the boy. She turned to Starr with a stony look. 

Until next time,

A.K.

Change: Nothing Major

I've decided that my blog will probably be a weekly thing. I'm starting off on a weird day and I'll probably change it to every Saturday. So just a warning. I've been trying to nag myself into updating, so here I am. Writing on a Wednesday afternoon.

I woke up a little earlier today. Since then, I've eaten some fruit loops, checked my emails, and  caught up on reading Deathly Hallows. I haven't been able to read because of things. But I think I will be able to finish it if I keep going at the pace that I'm going in about a week. 

So even though I'm really not all that athletic, I can do certain things and I take an interest in certain sports. It's probably weird of a blogger, but whatever. I really enjoy baseball and football. I can throw both rather efficiently, but I don't play either because of reasons. I used to do gymnastics up until two years ago because of reasons I think I already explained. I also used to do soccer when I was little, but then I almost blacked out on the field from heat exhaustion. I was so good that my coach didn't ever want to take me out, not even exaggerating. So this one day we had a double game and I never got to sit on the bench. I was constantly out there in knee socks, shorts that went to my knees, a jersey, and a long sleeved undershirt. That was our uniform. And on top of all that stuff, it was about 95 degrees (Fahrenheit, don't worry) outside. It was bad. So I quit that and just focused on gymnastics but then the incident and I quit that. So now I'm just doing dance. Which brings me to the point of this entire paragraph. The other day, I had my dance performance. It was four freaking hours long. But it was so fun! I had four dances to perform and they were all pretty sassy. My friends and I had so much fun together. It was exhausting, I won't lie, but it was loads of fun. 

So anyway, other than that, I haven't had much going on. I finished all my exams with flying colors (ish) and so I've been chilling. Just watching Netflix and whatnot. Doing regular, lazy, blogger stuff. I did have to go to drivers' ed though. From 8:30 to 4. Bloody boring I must say. Terrible. And FREEZING. Like seriously?! We have to wear like two jumpers in that room. But whatever. I only have two days of that left and driving tests. I think I'll be okay, though. My dad says I do pretty well. So I'm not largely worried. I'm just very paranoid because the instructor keeps showing these wreck videos and it's terrifying me. Like honestly. He doesn't need to show us all that, but whatever. It'll be over soon enough. And then I'll have my license. Hurrah! 

On the Jix scale, not much happening. I didn't go on my last day, so I didn't see him. He probably wouldn't have been there anyway, but whatever. I do see him once over the summer, though. I think. Maybe. Depends. But I have to work with him, as I said, so I'm not entirely worried about him either. I'm not stressing anything with him. I want everything to be natural. Not trying to be cheesy or whatever, but I don't want anything to be forced. I want to feel like something is right before I ask anything. Ugh. I sound like such a cautious person, but I've already had my heart broken twice so I guess it makes sense. 

Enough about my "love life" as people call it. I just call it a tragedy, but whatever. I haven't got much else to talk about than what I've already said. I'm editing my book now. That's something. I've gotten pretty far, but like I said. Procrastination is a huge problem for me. I can't get much done without taking a week long break. I also have some sort of ADD so I can't sit down for a long time without feeling jumpy and distracted. It's torturous and hard to handle, but I manage somehow. I think that closes out this blog, though. So I hope everyone is having a good summer, or if you're just staring up school or whatever, good luck. 

QUOTE:

WORDS CAN BE LIKE X-RAYS IF YOU USE THEM PROPERLY. THEY'LL GO THROUGH ANYTHING. YOU READ AND YOU'RE PIERCED. 

Until next time,

A.K.  

Last Day: See you never

Oh yes! There it is. The illusive and oh so beautiful last day. I am officially off for summer. Hallelue! Some of my friends have been begging me to come for the last day tomorrow, but I'm thinking "um hell naw! See you in two months bitches. I don't wanna see yo ugly mug! Not in school! Not when I don't have to!" Who's with me? Who would ever go to school when they don't have to? That's just cruelty. I'm already being forced as it is. I don't want to have to go on the one day that it isn't a big deal. If I am going to choose between a sappy, cry-day with friends and a day to chill on the couch, stay home, and watch Netflix, I damn sure am gonna choose the latter. Like seriously? You even have to ask? Shouldn't have to. Seriously. I might get a little freaked cause we watched World War Z again in my class, but I should be fine. I have my two dogs. Plus, I can text my friends. Who cares? No one. Everyone's going to be texting in class. Like geez. Why you gotta complain when you're going to be spam texting me anyway?! Like bruh. Chill. But anyway. 

Right now I'm staying up way late. The other people living in my house are sleeping cause they have to go, but I don't so yea. I'm listening to some sweet music while I'm writing this. Good stuff. It's an exciting time. So anyway. I'm feeling like a writing blog. The first of this blog! Yay! I think it's appropriate. A new season, a new series. Don't you think that's proper? Nice and fitting? Well even if you don't, I do. So I'm going to do it anyway, seeing as you aren't here to help me decide. 

First off, I write many many things. Right now I believe I have around 50 works. Not all finished, of course, but I do have a finished book. I'm working on editing it, of course, but it's still completed. I've already started the second book to it, but I haven't worked on that in a while, sadly. Anyway... here we go. Open your minds. Let go of your imagination (I apologize if that brought up an unnecessary song). Breathe (always). And remember, I am not perfect. I make mistakes and some things you may not like. Well with that disclosure: let's begin with the beginning of this series. 

Pyros of the Night:

Stars are the key to escape. Stars work with the fire down on earth. The fire whispers my name and tells me everything is okay. They say what the stars tell them to whisper. The flames lick at my skin as they say, "It's okay. God has you. Watch and adore." So I just smile and listen as he sparks fly up to join their masters. Their glittery parents high in the dark sky. The sparks exist as though they are baby stars. Reaching higher and higher into the sky. Towards the stars that they will soon join. The sparks disappear into the darkness when they begin to travel light years into the abyss of space covered in glittering and burning stars. 

Nuri

As I allow the flames to affectionately lick at my skin with fiery tongues, I watch for flint. Where is he? He should be here by now. I turned around again, just to make sure that I really am alone. I hear a panicked yell coming from the other end of the clearing near the parking lot behind the mall. The fire licking all over my body is immediately disintegrated into the air as I let the fire fall from my hands, arms, and legs. I start sprinting towards the sudden scream; leaving behind a perfect black circle of soot from where I had stood waiting seconds before. Engulfed in the blue flames I love so dearly. I sprinted as hard as I could towards the scream. When I got to the edge of the clearing, I slowed down so I could catch my breath and not be detected. After about 5 minutes, I still didn't see anyone from the tree I was hiding behind. I was only greeted by an eerie silence. I crept slowly towards the cars and the parking lot. Towards the scream and the eerie silence that followed. I kept my eyes peeled for any movement. My ears cautious for any sound. My body and muscles taut in preparation to bolt or fight if need be. No one was around except for the single person laying a couple yards from the edge of the field clearing where I had just come from. I crept slowly as a lion stalking its prey towards the human. The orange hair was stained with red blood, causing the color to darken to a dark orange instead of what seemed to be a strawberry-blonde-ish color. As I drew closer, I realized the human's eyes were as grey as mine. Grey like the old ashes I leave behind when I allow the flames to burn out. I sort of recognized the face. I probably would have been quicker about it even more if the face hadn't been so beat up and bloody. I squinted my eyes in anger. 

"Grey..." I said to myself. I sat with the person until it started to grow dark. I didn't want to leave or move him until dark. This is the time when I am best at what I do. I picked the boy up with my renewed strength and carried him to the middle of the field that I had come from before I found him. I laid him down and then sat off a couple feet to the side of him. Not too far, but not too close. I have to make sure. It's the code. I have to obey the code before jumping to conclusions just by eyes and thinking to have familiarity. Jenson would kill me if I didn't obey. I called to by flames softly. Using my powers to summon them onto my hands and arms. I decided to refrain against full body, considering that it still took a lot of energy, and Grey was on the loose somewhere. The blue flames licked at my hands and arms again easily and without effort. I loved the flames touching my skin. The blue flames within my people is the strongest and hottest besides the legendary white flames, but the white hasn't been in existence within my people for eons. 

This is the snippet for this post. Any time I post a snippet from a story of mine, it will replace the quote. Just a little info before I log off. 

Until next time,

A.K.

Monday: Last of it's Kind

So I've discovered that I really like the Assassin's Creed Rogue Main Theme song. It's very calming. I'll probably listen to it later because we just watched World War Z in my speech class and it's terrifying. Like no. I will probably scream every time someone tries to like sneak up on me or tries to tickle me or anything like that. It seriously is awful. As a horror movie? Excellent. But as someone who hates horror-like movies and stuff (besides Zombieland cause that movie is hilarious)? It's absolutely terrible. 

Right now it's storming outside. I'm sitting inside listening to Assassin's Creed Rogue Main Theme so I'm rather calm right now. I have nothing to do so it's a relaxing time. I'm not quite bored yet because I just finished my English exam. Woo. It was kind of difficult, actually. So that kind of sucks and it's making me paranoid and kinda worried. But it's not like I could have prepared for this thing. It was a cold read. The great part, it was on Macbeth. One of my absolute favorite Shakespeare plays. I love Shakespeare in general, but Macbeth is so amazing. I don't think I will ever get tired of Macbeth. 

Anyway, after this blog post, I'll probably either watch Netflix or go on one of my other favorite websites. Unless it's time to go. Then I won't. 

My friend Xi (clearly not his real name but that would be cool) is currently making me rather paranoid. I'm sitting sideways from him. He keeps trying to see what I'm typing, but I don't want him to cause then he'd know about my blog. That wouldn't be fun. I'd probably have to get a new blog. That would suck. I like this one. Like a lot. So let me tell you a little bit about Xi, since I'm already talking about him. 

I met Xi at the beginning of this year. I don't actually remember meeting him. He was just suddenly... there. Just in my life. Sudden friend in my life. It was weird but cool I guess. It's a little disconcerting that I don't remember meeting him. Like at all, but whatever right? He's always been there really and he feels the need to protect me. He told me he liked me sometime early in the year, but I don't so I kind of retreated from him for a while. But it's gotten better. I can still tell that he likes me. Like yesterday he asked me out on a date, subtly but still, and I had to softly decline. Like dude no. But anyway. I don't have much else about him. Xi is just Xi. He's my anime buddy. He also called me China. Which is weird. But whatever. I don't mind. 

QUOTE:

THE WORST PAIN FOR A GIRL IS WHEN SHE SMILES, JUST TO KEEP THE TEARS FROM FALLING AND SLEEPS, JUST SO SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.

Until next time, 

A.K.

Almost: Close to Freedom

Yo my beasties! I'm almost there! Four more days until I am officially off for summer. For me, it's only three because I'm skipping the last day. Playing hooky. It's gonna be awesome. It's currently extremely hot here, though so that sucks. Also, exams. I only have english on monday, so that's good. After that I have: a geography exam, a speech thing on theatrics and some other exam that's going to be easy. So I'm not really all that concerned. I haven't studied much which is probably driving my mom crazy, but I don't care. As you can see, I'm on here. So yup. 

I'm listening to This Little Girl by Nightcore. It's an obsession song of mine. I'm also watching some YouTube videos and stuff. I'm basically just doing anything that will help me procrastinate. So yay. This morning started off really crappy though. Like seriously. It sucked. I'm still furious about it. I walked out of the shower this morning to find my dog ripping up one of my books. Completely casually. He froze when I walked into my room because he knew he would be in trouble. I screamed. Like really?!?! That's my fucking book! He was tearing up the one I'm currently reading, too. Not just some book I read a long time ago or something. Nope. And on top of that, it was a book my brother gave me. So of course I'm not going to get a replacement! Duh! One of my friends offered to replace it but I nearly screamed when he implied it. Like dude no. That's my personal book. I don't want one bought by YOUR money! I want the one my brother bought for me! So now I hate my dog, Calvin, and I'm extremely sad that I have to carry around my poor book with book tape covering the front. It's depressing and pathetic. Ugh. I still want to cry over my book. Which is probably the most pathetic thing anyone has probably seen, but come on! I love my books! It's so sad! 

But anyway. My other dog, Riley, just came into my room. So he's entertaining me for a while before I go back to vine and stuff. I have music playing as well. Right now it's La La by The Cab. I love them and this song. So awesome. So that's calming me considerably. I'm singing along to it, and I've been told I have a good voice by many people (even though I'm too shy to test that theory in front of a lot of people) so that makes me feel even better. 

I don't really have anything else at the moment, so bye beasties. 

QUOTE:

PRACTICE DOESN'T MAKE PERFECT IF YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

Until next time,

A.K.

Mentors: A New Experience

Hey guys. Sorry for skipping a day. I really must stop apologizing for this stuff. It's a simple thing that I've already explained. So anyway. On to the actual blog. 

So today I went to this training thing to become a mentor to some teenagers. I'm hoping it'll help with some of my social awkwardness and total anxiety towards big groups of people. I'm hoping it'll also help with my depression. Who knows. But I doubt it, seeing as nothing has helped all that much with it. But anyway, the training day was fun. I got to hang out with some friends for a couple hours while we were training. We played games and "mingled" (a word I absolutely detest, by the way). I didn't meet all that many people there because of my social pariah status. I'm a wallflower and an introvert and it's just hard. I don't trust easily either, so that makes it even harder. I saw one of my absolute best friends there, let's call her Styx. I'm guessing that I really like names with an "X" in them because I have Jix, Styx, and another person I will introduce and talk about later is Oxi. Huh... Interesting... Anyway.

Styx is one of my best friends. I met her this year, but we have bonded (another gross and mushy word that I hate using, but whatever) so much and I would trust her with my life. She's absolutely hilarious and I don't think I could have made it this year without her. She's my dark angel, if anyone understands that. 

Jix was also at this mentor thing. When I got to the place I was supposed to be trained, Styx and Jix were standing together. Styx had just gotten out of her car and i guess Jix had been there for a bit. When I got out of my car, I waved at Styx and Jix. Jix pointed at me in a joking way (if that even makes sense) until I reached him. Styx just smiled and waved at me. When I got close enough for them to hear me, I yelled out to Jix, "You don't need to point at me, you do realize that right?" He just laughed. Later on, we were still joking around. During the games and stuff we would tease each other and laugh at each other. Afterwards, he bumped into me and we started pushing each other with our shoulders, lightly so we didn't fall into anyone else, but with enough force to make us move. 

"Geez Aspen. You're always in the way." 

"I know that Jix. I did that on purpose. Cause then I'd be in your way."

"Haha. Is that so?"

"Yup." 

It was fun. We had fun. I didn't even realize Jix was being trained with me, so it was a fun surprise. A pleasant surprise. It pleased me. It meant that I had another year to interact closely with him. It's cool knowing that I have time. Like normally, I assume that I have but the shortest time to interact with someone, but here, in this situation, I have a promise of extra time. It's a nice break. I can do what I want with the time I have been guaranteed. 

Anyway... Away from Jix and the impending rant I could have about time and depression and being left behind that will most likely come later, I'm going to tell you about yesterday. OH! We also had donuts at this training thing. So yay. Good donuts, too. 

So yesterday, I took my first exam. It was relatively easy. I was supposed to take two yesterday, but I got exempt from the other one for passing a different test saying that I had learned everything throughout the year and learned it efficiently. So that was good. It took some of the pressure off because the exam I did take was one of the hardest. The other hardest exam was the one I got exempt from. Which is a beautiful thing. So anyway, I think I did rather well on my exam. It was on paper, too. So that made my brain not freak out and feel the panic as much. I panic enough as it is when I feel extremely pressured about a big test. It gets worse when that big test is given electronically. So it was a big relief when I saw it was on paper. Huge weight off the chest. 

I don't have much else. So I'm going to end it here with the normal quote as the sign off thing. 

QUOTE: 

SOMETIMES YOUR HEART NEEDS MORE TIME TO ACCEPT WHAT YOUR MIND ALREADY KNOWS. 

Until next time,

A.K. 

Blending the Days: A Conspiracy

Since I didn't post yesterday, today's blog will be about today and yesterday. I apologize for not posting, for those of you who actually read my blog. But I did warn in the beginning. This is the best I've actually done in a while for updating these sorts of things. S000 with that...

Yesterday I actually talked to someone about a problem I have been having for a long time now. I might possibly have tendinitis in my knees and I have some type of problem in my back. So for the first time I was telling someone about my problem and why I didn't feel like I could tell anyone about them when Jix walked by. I smiled, but it was weak. I guess he noticed that something was majorly wrong. I guess I looked like I was going to cry. Later on when I saw him, he asked me if I was okay. He asked if everything was alright. Jix wanted to know if I wanted to talk about it, and he also inadvertently asked me if I had a boyfriend. Haha. I guess that's some kind of plus, but possible reading into things isn't very smart in situations like this. Not for me. Or so I think I've found. Anyway. I felt really flattered that he noticed, and it just adds to my theory. It sucks that he had to see me so upset because I was indeed almost crying, but I guess it's kinda nice that he saw that. He saw what I normally hide. He saw a kind of raw emotion that I usually never show. I'm a stoic person, mind you, so the fact that I even sort of showed an emotion and he saw it is a MAJOR deal for me. He didn't seem entirely convinced, but he dropped it. Seeing as I wasn't looking him in the eyes, he kind of had to drop it. 

Today wasn't as interesting between me and Jix. We teased each other a little, but that's kinda normal. I got invited to this school party though. It was okay. Better than most parties. We got to sit on the bleachers if we didn't want to play the games or dance. They played music from a big speaker. They had snacks, in a sense, and drinks. I watched Netflix for a bit but I didn't want to drop my laptop because it's school property, so I just sat and talked with friends and watched the chaos happening on the floor below me. It was interesting. Some people were just dumb, but it was interesting. I just can't wait until everything is over and done with. My exams start tomorrow... Scared for my life. Completely. 

Also, I have this mentor training thing on saturday, the same day that Pitch Perfect 2 comes out. I'm hoping to go see that as well, but who knows. This upcoming Tuesday is also my last day to practice for my dance performance. I'm nervous, but I'm really excited. It's going to be so fun. 

Right now, I'm sitting in my mom's classroom waiting to leave because I need a ride getting home. I'm listening to Need Your Heart by Adventure Club; it's blasting through my headphones. Headphones that I need a new pair of, just by the way. Seriously. I need a new pair. I've been looking for some, but I can't decide. I've been using these SONY ear buds for a while now. They've been really nice, but I want some over the ear headphones. Not beats, though. Those have nice sound, but they short out really easily for me. I want the kind that has a replaceable cord. The ones that are really hard to short out, but are replaceable anyway. Those are the kind I'm looking for. Anyway, I'm about to watch Netflix when this song ends. So I'm going to end this blog now. Yay. Another post over and done with. Accomplishment. 

QUOTE:

YESTERDAY IS HISTORY.

TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY. 

BUT TODAY IS A GIFT. THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED THE PRESENT. 

Until next time,

A.K.

Jix: A Theory

So it's the day after Mother's Day. Hurray. Mother's day wasn't all that eventful. It kinda sucked because my mom was pissed really early in the day so it ruined the mood. I was actually trying to be happy for my mom and be optimistic and stuff cause she hates whatever mood I'm always in, but no. She had to choose that day to be angry. Later in the day something made it better. I don't know what it was, but she was in a better mood. I made her a poem that she really liked. So that was nice. Today though. Today has already started off interesting. For me at least. It's not a normal thing. 

So this guy, let's call him... Let's call him Jix. Jix has been a stranger to me until recently. We had a project to do together and we clicked. Not in a dirty way, but in an innocent way. We tease each other and laugh at each other a lot. He's hilarious and we don't have tension between us. He's a fun person. Here's the slight problem I have, though. Jix flirts with me and I let him. I don't mind it so much as I hate the prospect of having to deal with the agonizing "what if's" and "is this real." There is the possibility that Jix likes me, and the possibility that he doesn't. It isn't a huge problem right now and I'm hoping it doesn't become one later on, but even if it does, I don't know that I would stop it. He's the kind of person that reminds me of a puppy, but I can easily see him becoming the bad boy kind of person. He's sweet like sugar cane, but I'm sure he would be able to become Tabasco sauce if he wanted. Sounds really cheesy, yea, but there's no other way I can think of describing his personality at the moment. I catch him looking at me sometimes. It's sweet and I don't know what to think of it, but I don't know that I actually care. 

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I'm watching a game of basketball being played by some teenagers and listening to Stop Me When You've Had Enough by Nural and I think this is one of the most peaceful moments I've had in two weeks. Blogging while listening to rock music. Completely unnoticed as I notice everything. It's nice.

I had to take a test in my last class. But I finished really quick. So now I'm blogging again. My friend (we're going to call her Khan) are listening to music from my laptop. She has her's open but we wanted to listen to the same thing. Right now it's La La by The Cab. I think I'm going to show her Still Here by Digital Daggers. It's so good. I'm obsessed with it. It's such a beautiful song. But I'm about to head to lunch so I'm going to go. 

And since I've ended pretty much every blog with a quote, I will do the same with this one. Even though like nothing happened in this blog. I'll just put in a random quote or something.

QUOTE:

IT'S EASIER TO GET FREE WIFI THAN IT IS TO GET FREE WATER AND PEOPLE ACT LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD. 

Until next time,
A.K.