So today wasn't actually that eventful. I haven't done much besides watch YouTube videos all day. I guess I could tell you about a story that started in my past and has continued to this very minute. Wow that was a crappy sentence. Whatever.
So this (starting with the same word as the beginning, yes I know. Get over it.) story starts with my seventh grade year. I met this girl in first grade. Our relationship continued to flourish and I count her as my sister. Let's call her Arctic. She was my absolute best friend and I could count on her for absolutely everything. She was a sarcastic little bitch, but so was I, so we fit. She corrupted me and I corrupted her. Arctic stood by me like no one else. This kinda sounds like I was in love with her, and in a way, I guess I was, or am, or whatever. But it's not like "I would be gay for her." Nope. I'm not going to be cheesy and weird. But in a way, yes. I was in love with Arctic. She became my everything. My other half. Even when everyone else hated me or thought that I was no fun or when they ignored me and said awful things about me, she would defend me, talk to me, and laugh with me. She would throw down with anyone that said something awful about me. So in a way, I guess Arctic was in love with me, too. It felt nice, you know? Having someone care so much for you. Even as a platonic thing, it was the most wonderful feeling. We would get in the most horrible fights about nothing, but it would end in laughter a couple hours later or so. We couldn't keep mad at each other. She was my sister and I was hers. We still are sisters to each other. We still talk, so this isn't a story that ends in death. But I guess, in a way, like our love, a death happened in another way. After seventh grade, she moved across the country. Her dad got a job far far away and he couldn't keep himself from taking it. I'm not going to say he got greedy or that he didn't have the right to move his family away. He had good reason; it's a good job and it will provide more for Arctic's family in a way that the previous job wouldn't. I will, however, say that I grew extremely angry and depressed because of her father's choice. He could have said no. He could have allowed Arctic to stay exactly where she was. He could have let her stay here with me. Maybe then I wouldn't be the way I was; a depressed wallflower with major anger and social issues. But maybe I would be the same. I'll never know. I haven't seen her in years and it almost feels like she's dead. We still talk and everything, but it still sucks. She can't text very often because she's busy a lot and her parents don't really like people texting in the house (stupid right? Sorry if this offends anyone, but I find that a very retarded rule).
In the beginning of her being gone, I couldn't stop crying. My parents had taken away all electronic things that I could have used to talk to Arctic. Not only that but she was gone... I couldn't handle it. I was at a new school with no one to talk to because I was the new kid freak. I looked nothing like the rest of the people I guess because literally no one would talk to me for a couple weeks. It sucked. So not only had I lost all of my friends to a new school, but my sister was now practically dead. Traveling across the country to a new home as I sat there learning about how to dissect frogs and cat eyes and cow tongues and pig brains. Disgusting by the way. Every time I would hear "our song" on the radio I would scream and I had to refrain from crying. My parents didn't understand, but they didn't question it either. It sounds cheesy as hell, but there's no truer way to say this. It's the blunt truth. I missed my sister, my other half, my love, and it felt like she was dead. I had already experienced a couple deaths in the family, so don't even TRY to tell me that I don't know how it feels like. I do. After a while, I got my electronics back and I could try to text Arctic, but as I said before, she was a busy girl who had to sneak around if she wanted to communicate with me. Eventually we had a system going on that worked pretty well. But life still sucks. Current literary terms now. This is today. I have a couple friends, but as I said in my first post, a lot of them suck. They aren't real friends: they don't care about me and I don't particularly like them. They are complete bitches until they need something from me or they need to complain about something. That will probably be my next post. But anyway,
We go days without speaking to each other because of different obstacles and it really sucks. I can't help but cry sometimes still because I miss her so freaking much. This makes me sound like a sissy and a wimp and whatever, but I'm really not. I hardly ever cry and I am almost completely stoic. I don't like to break down, but it just happens sometimes. I have trained myself to block out the emotions, but the walls crack just like any other wall. And I know I have to keep going because she's never coming back but it just sucks. It breaks my heart to know that I will never see her again. At least until after I'm completely able to drive and see her. Maybe I can make a cross-country sight-seeing trip out of it. Maybe. But I guess I'll just have to keep this quote in mind when I feel overly depressed and as though I have no one to turn to:
QUOTE:
"MAYBE IT'S NOT MY WEEKEND, BUT IT'S GONNA BE MY YEAR."
Until next time,
A.K.
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